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A piece of advice to all managers out there: please consider the way in which you say something to someone before saying it, especially if many other people will also hear it.

The Open Source Boob Project

Since a lot of my readers do go to Dragon*Con every year, I wanted to pass along something that's been cresting the surface of my flist: the Open-Source Boob Project, as thought up by theferrett. The link goes to the original post made in his journal, which - unsurprisingly - garnered something like 1100 comments overnight.

I didn't want to clog up any more friends' lists with this, but, well, I gotta.

The gist of the Open Source Boob Project is that, at a con, you can identify yourself as an "Open-Sourcer" by wearing either a red or a green button. A red button means that you are part of the project, but you are not actively participating in the project at that time. You're more of a supporter, shall we say. A green button means that you ARE part of the project, and here is where the really disgusting and offensive part of this comes into play: a green button means that you are open to the idea of random men coming along and asking your permission to touch/fondle/grope your breasts. As if this is all okay, and as if you are nothing more than a pair of breasts (impressive or beautiful as they may be) stuck onto some random woman.

Uh, no.

As explained by theferrett,

At Penguicon, we had buttons to give away. There were two small buttons, one for each camp: A green button that said, "YES, you may" and a red button that said "NO, you may not." And anyone who had those buttons on, whether you knew them or not, was someone you could approach and ask:

"Excuse me, but may I touch your breasts?"

And if you weren't a total lout - the women retained their right to say no, of course - they would push their chests out, and you would be allowed into the sanctity of it. That exchange of happiness where one person are told with gropes and touches that they are desirable and the other is someone who's allowed to desire.

For a moment, everything that was awkward about high school would fade away and you could just say what was on your mind. It was as though parts of me were being healed whenever I did it, and I touched at least fifteen sets of boobs at Penguicon. It never got old, surprisingly.

Some women didn't want to. That was fine. We never demanded anything of anyone. And if you didn't want to put yours up for the Project but you wanted to touch, well, that was fine, too. It was simply for folks who felt like being open.

It was a raging success at Penguicon.... And there haven't been any hookups that I know of thanks to the Open-Source Boob Project. It is, as I said, a very special thing. (Though I wouldn't rule it out if two single people exchanged a moment.) And we'll probably do it at other cons, because it's strangely wholesome and sexual at the same time.

I've left off the names, because frankly, people should reveal for themselves whether they're Open-Sourcers or not. Not everyone wants to go public with it, and what happens at the con stays at the con. But trust me. If you are, and I meet you, I will ask. And you'll understand the beauty and simplicity of the Open-Source Boob Project for yourself.

Touch the magic, my friends. Touch the magic.

He seemed surprised by the response that this Project garnered around Livejournal. I can't say I'm surprised: it's as if he expected women to just be okay with this and not voice their opinions. Later on, he went back and expressed a Final Word on the project and backpedaled, stressing to people,

And the fear is something that can be triggering in itself. I do get that. And nobody should be triggered.

IfI’ve contributed to the idea that women are not safe, then I’ve failedwith a capital “F,” regardless of the underlying reality. And if peoplethink that all cons are filled with horrific swarms of gropers, well,then I’ve also failed.

So let me say this: Don’t try it. Some folks have wanted to because well, they see that it couldbe something healthy and sexual, but chances are someone’s going to endup alienated and skeezed. If you’re going to do this at in the entiretyof a con-space, no matter how carefully you try to set the boundaries, you’re going to encroach on space that shouldn’t be occupied. Do not.

What's funny to me is that this last entry, the so-called "clarification" of this whole Project, was comments-locked.

You can do what you like with your body; I don't own it. I only own mine. I can't make anyone do anything, much less tell them what to do with something they inhabit every second of every day.

But goddamnit, frankly, I find this disgusting. One's body is one's temple. I don't want to feel validated because someone thought my breasts were beautiful. Sure, they are, but that's not a compliment. I am more than my breasts, thank you, I am a person and a female, and none of these things overshadow any of the others.

I am aware that the women who participate in this project are doing it of their own free will, and that's fine, but personally I find it degrading and awful. The woman gets her breasts "touched" (and we all know that not all men are especially subtle, and "touched" is a very large umbrella term here); the man gets the fairly sexual, visceral experience of randomly touching breasts. Then the woman gets a "thank you" and he walks off. There's no transfer of dignity or respect. It's a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kind of thing, and then he moves on to the next woman, like a bee pollinating a flower.

I don't go around randomly asking men to touch their penises, do I?

If anyone asks to touch my breasts at Dragon*Con they are going to get a very flat, very forceful no. And God help me if someone actually comes up and gropes me, because y'all will have to bail me out of jail.